Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'm struggling...

Struggling with my weight.

In 2007 I lost a huge chunk of weight (50 pounds to be exact). I had so much determination and will power, but now I am just...blah. I keep asking my husband why I can't get motivated, why this is not working and he just shrugs. (Men don't talk much when it comes to a woman's weight, do they?) I know how to count calories, I know how to exercise, and I know it works. I am blessed that I am not one of those women who does everything they can think of and still can't lose weight. I can. When I do the right things, I lose weight, and it comes off fast. But I just can't get back into that "mode". I have tried everything from weight watchers, to the 6 week body makeover, to having an accountability buddy. None of it worked. Sure, it works for some people, but they stuck with it. 

For a long time I didn't really care that I was overweight. I just accepted that that was who I was, and went with it. But lately there is a lot of sickness around me and a lot of it is weight/lifestyle related. I am turning 26 in a little over a week, and it scares me to think that I could make myself sick or worse with my poor eating habits.

I cried on the way home from work today. I cried, and cried out to God. I finally realized today why I have not been successful in losing weight this time around. I was going at it alone. I have not once asked God to give me strength during this weight loss journey. In 2007, I prayed daily for God to guide me that day, and to help me make the best choices for my health. I have not asked that of Him once this year!

A couple weeks ago I started what I was calling "Tip the Scales Thursday" to keep myself accountable to the blogging world. I have not posted my weight in the past 3 weeks. I was ashamed, because that 6 pound loss that I had achieved, is gone, I gained it back and I added on 4 more pounds to that. I have gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks.

I know that this is not what most of you want to read when blog hopping, but I had to get this out. My reasons for starting this blog was to better myself, to become more like Christ. And if pouring my heart out to all of the people who read this is how I am going to do it, then so be it.

I ask that you say a special prayer for me. A comment or two of encouragement would be nice as well. I would like to know that I have a lot of readers watching what I am doing every week. And I hope that once this weight does start dropping off, they will see that it was all with the help of the Almighty God.

My weight today, (again) is:
287.9 pounds
BMI: 45.7 - Morbidly Obese

9 comments:

Southern Reflections said...

I will be praying for you...You are so strong to turn to God for this...I know He will help you, and I will be here to follow and look forward to an awesome outcome...You can do it, girl!!! :-D

Sherry @ Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Praying for you. I've been down that road several times.

Christy said...

I read your entry today (as I try to do as often as you post), but it spoke to me! I'm right there with you. It's a choice not to lose weight for me as well, and deliberate, even if I don't want to admit it! Weight is a crutch, it's an excuse when things go wrong, but you are so right about the health! It hit me when I turned 30, and I started losing...and then....I stopped, because I lost focus. I'll be checking in, and I'll be praying for you, as I continue on this journey along side you and God! One statement that really made an impact....when I have a bad day, a bad month, or gain 10 of my pounds back....my friend reminds me that if you break a piece of china, you don't go break the whole set. You've still got a set of 40 pieces sitting on your shelf! Best wishes, my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Rachel said...

It may sound trite, but remember that our strength comes from the Lord!! I will be praying for you, friend!

SomeGirl said...

Praying for you (and with you)! ♥ Michelle

Traci Michele said...

Hey Sweet Kimberly! You are not alone. I found you via Seeds of Faith today.

I have struggled with my weight for some time too! I'm looking to lose about 20 more lbs. I was stuck in the 180s for 3 months straight! So discouraging. I too, like you, find that I can do it when I constantly cry out to the Lord for help.

I get frustrated when I start doing really good, and then take the "wheel" back from the Lord. He was daily dependence on HIM. You can do it. You will feel so much better. Please keep me accountable as well. I am currently 176 and my goal is to be at or around 155 by August.

Thanks for your honesty and encouragement through this.

My main blog is : http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com

My health blog is:

http://www.choose2livechoosehealth.blogspot.com

HUGS my new friend Kim!

Traci

Traci Michele said...

PS: I grabbed your button! Come grab mine if you like my blog :-)

More Than a Mom said...

Kimberly,

I am right with you! Your theme verse led me to you, as I was looking it up, I discovered your blog. I am new to the blog world, but not new to the weight issue. My blog is still private, but when i get the courage to open up to people I will let you know. I have struggled with letting God into my weightloss world and I have been doing this alone for some time, and obviously with no success! Looking forward to seeing how you let God in and show you were and how to overcome this weight! (Ps I weighed in at 257lbs today)

Nicole

Laura said...

Kimberly!!

I am so glad you found my site! We are going to encourage and help each other loose the weight!! Our birthday month is the best time to start, don't you think? We can do it!!! Let's Go!!!

:) Laura from www.inspirationformoms.com